Detox Your Relationships

She’s your best friend, but lately it’s always something or other. Her car warrant is due and she needs to get one urgently, her credit card payments are overdue, etc... Then there’s all the coffees, lunches and muffins you bought her because she’s ‘a bit skint’. You’re beginning to feel like her mortgage manager rather than her mate.

Fix it: Does she pay you back the money she borrows from you? If she pays you back, does she do it immediately, or stall until you ask her?

Having to ask a friend for your money back is tantamount to a serious breach of the code of friendship – you don’t screw your mates over, no matter what. But don’t make mountains out of mole hills. If it’s just the occasional lunch or a cocktail here and there, consider that the price of having a friend – late night phone calls, someone to lean on and a shoulder to cry on when times are rough. Just make sure it’s reciprocated, so you’re not doing all the giving.

 

From the time you were a little girl, it hasn’t stopped. First it was your choice of friends on the playground, then your clothes, weight, choice of life partner, career, how you rear your children, the list goes on.
 

Fix it: As strange as this sounds, your mother tells you off probably because she loves you more than you will ever understand. And because of this, she always thinks you can do better.

We bet even Bill Gates’ Mum thinks he should’ve at least finished college before he set about becoming the richest man in the world. The way to detox is to redefine your relationship with your mother, on adult terms. Instead of going over to her house for a home-cooked meal, why not take her out for dinner, or go shopping together. Make it a rule that before you reply to anything she says with something sarcastic, bite your tongue, and instead, gently change the topic or tell her firmly it’s not something you wish to discuss.

My colleague is gossiping about me behind my back
You did something shameful at the office Christmas party and thought no-one knew…but obviously someone found out because now everyone’s whispering behind your back and giving you odd, sly looks. You’re pretty sure you know the person who started the rumour, but how to confront her without getting angry and looking like a fool?

Fix it: The office gossip thrives on tension and conflict, so don’t give her the satisfaction. If it’s something embarassing, come to terms with it and then make a joke about it – loudly, in front of everyone, so it’s all out in the open. Everyone has humiliated themselves at one point or another, and most people will sympathise. If it was something intensely personal though, pull the gossip aside in private and tell her directly that if she doesn’t stop spreading rumours about you, you’ll bring it up with management. Then do it. Most good managers would not want that kind of negative energy around a workplace.