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About You
The Do's and Don'ts of Dating

It's hard to know what to do when you're dating someone you really like...
 
There are so many "rules" out there (there's even a self-help book called "The Rules"), that a girl can get confused about what she's supposed to do, what she can't do and what are the grey areas.

Do you kiss a man on the first date? Does the three-date rule still apply when it comes to sex? When's the right time to bring up the issue of exclusivity?

Of course, all these questions can only be answered if the idea of a relationship gets off the ground in the first place. Because we're kind, we present to you, the top dating mistakes to avoid, avoid, avoid at all cost.
 
Asking personal questions on the first date
It's fine to find out his name, occupation and how many siblings he has. It's not alright to start grilling him about past relationships, if he wants to get married, how many kids he plans to have, how much he earns, etc.

Can we spell scary? It will only make him think you're after two things – his wallet and a wedding ring. That's enough of a frightening thought for the average boyfriend, let alone someone he's having dinner with for the first time. The only exception to the rule applies if you've been friends first, and that's only if you've been mates for a couple of years.
 
Drinking too much alcohol
Repeat after me: know your limit. Getting smashed on a first date, or even in the first month of dating, is a bad idea. Alcohol always makes you feel ten times braver and more attractive than you actually are – so you could find yourself doing something quite out-of-character. Then there's the safety issue. If this is a stranger that you've only known for two weeks, do you really want to run the risk of sexual or physical assault?

And there's nothing that says "bad news" to a guy faster than a girl throwing up into her purse or kicking off her knickers to dance on the bar top because she's too drunk to know better.
 
Pretending to be someone you're not
This includes fudging the truth in any way. You could think of something as a little white lie, but to someone who doesn't know you that well, it's a straight out untruth. So if you've been married before, do be honest and divulge – maybe not on the first date, but if you think this is something that could move into a relationship. Also be honest to yourself about what you want.

If you've just met a guy you really like, and all he wants is a no-strings fling, and you want a relationship, this is a horse that's going nowhere. Better to walk away early, than stay on and break your own heart down the line.
 
To sleep with him, or not?
A lot of people will tell you that there are hard and fast rules about sleeping with someone. To be honest, no-one really knows. We've had friends that slept with someone on the first date, and are still together years later. Then there are people who wait until marriage to have sex for the first time. It's best if you are honest with yourself above all. Take a good, hard, long look at your motivations for giving it up early.

If it's to keep the guy hanging around, it probably won't work. Someone who likes you for your personality and enjoys your company, will not need sex till they're sure that you're ready. Someone who's only after your body on the other hand, will keep pressuring you till you cave.

Sarah Lane


 

Last updated: 07/11/2008


 
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