This month we've pulled together some amazing tips, tricks and secrets from nzgirls all over, to bring you the very best in tried & true recipes for success. Click here to find out more...
It used to be that thinking about your boyfriend sent a shiver down your spine as you sat at your desk, or had you squirming in your seat in the lecture theatre.
Your love-sick eyes made you grin at your reflection in the mirror, and you were constantly thinking of new ways to get him to return that smile. Then, as suddenly as it was all on, it’s gone. You look at him and feel…well, not much. Where’s that spark?
What a sad state to be in, made all the more sad by the inevitable heartbreak for the other party. So why does it happen and how do you deal with it?
Where is the love? Often those who seem perfect to us one year can be almost laughable the next. We are fast-developing young women with lives which can resemble rollercoasters. Who can keep up? It could be you’ve changed inexplicably, matured or grown through your experiences - and now your life partner just doesn’t match your life anymore. There isn’t a real way to put human feelings into boxes. Psychologists can analyse our behaviours and theorise, but this doesn’t really help when it comes to something as deeply complicated as love.
Falling out of love can be as elusive as finding love. Humans are a funny bunch, filled with charged chemicals flowing and spinning between us. According to some scientists, we fall in love for just long enough to sustain a sexual relationship and bring a child to safety – ie: around two years. This could be the reason why a lot of relationships that seem perfectly healthy fail at this crucial period.
Changing affections It seems, more often than not, this sudden lack of feeling for a partner is accompanied by affections for someone else. This can also be explained by science, it gives the human race another chance to proliferate (like there aren’t enough of us already!). It could be a workmate or a friend – or even a partner’s friend – whoever it is, your feelings for this person cause your love for your long-term partner to pale in comparison. All of a sudden, your affections change.
It’s an age-old story and one which has prompted many a cat or fist fight as well as provided subject matter for countless soap operas and movies. At the end of the day, if you're questioning your love for your partner or thinking about cheating it really is time to be honest with yourself about what you want for your future.
Guilty? There is no getting past the fact that your partner is going to be horrifically surprised by your sudden change of heart. Whether there is someone else involved or not, the shock will be great. You shouldn’t beat yourself up, but you can find a way to make it a little less awful for you both. Firstly, don’t wallow. Be true to yourself. The faster it’s out, the better. The longer you wait to see if your heart will change back, or to see if he can prove himself to you, or for whatever reason you put off telling him - the worse things will be.
For one, it gives you more chances to cheat with this potential other. And your boyfriend will sense your loss of love anyway, whether he admits it to himself or not. Basically, it’s torture – for both of you. Think about it, and if it really feels real, trust your heart and get out of the relationship. Only you can know your true feelings.
Calling it quits This is more complicated if you live together. Some people wait until a major occasion, such as moving house or returning from a holiday, to tell their partner it’s over. Personally, I think this method is a bit ruthless. You don’t want to alter what would normally be a part of a person’s life history by teaming it up with a period of sadness. And there’s no getting around the sadness. You are going to be sad; he is going to be sad. I’m sorry but that’s the way it is.
You might be less sad, seeing as your feelings aren’t so surprising to you (although they can be), but generally things are going to be pretty rotten. Breaking it gently is a crock. There is no way to do this. I almost believe breaking it harshly is better. If he thinks you are a bitch afterwards, he will get over you sooner. And that’s what you want – right? It should be, or else you might just be playing games. Again, only you will know the truth.
Coming back for seconds If you have been going out seriously for quite a long time, you will most probably get back together to ‘give it another go’. Now, for some people this works out, but for the other 98% it is nothing more than an unfunny joke. I have known many on-again-off-again couples – they are a fact of life – but I don’t know of any who have felt truly happy when they are ‘on again’.
I’m all about clean breaks (even I haven’t practiced this myself in the past). If you can, get out and move away from your usual group of friends. Think of this break-up period as a section of life that you want to be finished with – so you need to recover from it as soon as possible. Back-tracking (into his life again) is like passing go without collecting the two hundred dollars – there is no point. He’s not going to change into someone different and new and your affections for him aren’t going to suddenly miraculously repair. You’ve fallen out of love with him – so help yourself to get over it.
.jpg)
your spine as you sat at your desk, or had you squirming in your seat in the lecture theatre. 
Often those who seem perfect to us one year can be almost laughable the next. We are fast-developing young women with lives which can resemble rollercoasters. Who can keep up? It could be you’ve changed inexplicably, matured or grown through your experiences - and now your life partner just doesn’t match your life anymore. There isn’t a real way to put human feelings into boxes. Psychologists can analyse our behaviours and theorise, but this doesn’t really help when it comes to something as deeply complicated as love.
It seems, more often than not, this sudden lack of feeling for a partner is accompanied by affections for someone else. This can also be explained by science, it gives the human race another chance to proliferate (like there aren’t enough of us already!). It could be a workmate or a friend – or even a partner’s friend – whoever it is, your feelings for this person cause your love for your long-term partner to pale in comparison. All of a sudden, your affections change.
There is no getting past the fact that your partner is going to be horrifically surprised by your sudden change of heart. Whether there is someone else involved or not, the shock will be great. You shouldn’t beat yourself up, but you can find a way to make it a little less awful for you both. Firstly, don’t wallow. Be true to yourself. The faster it’s out, the better. The longer you wait to see if your heart will change back, or to see if he can prove himself to you, or for whatever reason you put off telling him - the worse things will be. 
This is more complicated if you live together. Some people wait until a major occasion, such as moving house or returning from a holiday, to tell their partner it’s over. Personally, I think this method is a bit ruthless. You don’t want to alter what would normally be a part of a person’s life history by teaming it up with a period of sadness. And there’s no getting around the sadness. You are going to be sad; he is going to be sad. I’m sorry but that’s the way it is. 
Coming back for seconds