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Just say no. It’s drummed into us at a young age – if a boy (or anyone) is doing something we don’t like, then we should make sure we express our distaste.
But what about when we’re grown up and maybe have a bit of experience behind us? A lot of guys seem to expect girls who are past their teens to be ready and willing at any time, but it’s still okay to say no.
All too often us girls just go along with what a guy wants to do – then later feel terrible about doing it. I have heard plenty of girls complain about getting into drunken states, then allowing someone and their wandering hands to go beyond what they were comfortable with. When this happens, you wake up feeling cheap.
We are not cheap. You’ve heard it often enough on this site. nzgirls are strong, go-getting women with opinion and attitude. We know what we want and we know how to get it, right? So when to tell a boy he’s being pushy?
Set your boundaries First of all you need to be quite sure of your boundaries. This means trusting your own feelings. Before you go out with a guy, consider how much you are ready to do. There is no need to justify these guidelines – it’s about whatever feels right for you. You might decide you want to take things slowly for as long as it takes to truly know him. For some of you it might be marriage. Or you might put a number on it – five dates for instance, before you stay over or even before you kiss. If you choose a number of dates, then refrain from letting him know the number, as some boys will use you up until that time, just to get some action.
He should be comfortable just getting to know you until the time is right; otherwise he isn’t worth it. It is totally possible and permissible to change your guidelines as the date progresses. If you feel like you need longer, then you need longer. If you feel ready before you planned, then this is also okay - as long as it is on your terms, and as long as you are sure. Try to have a sober moment before making this decision, to prevent that awful ‘what did I do?’ feeling later on. If you're at a bar, go into the toilets and imagine the next morning.
Are you going to feel good about yourself? Will it be weird? Try to be stern with yourself. If necessary, call a friend and get her to talk you out of it (but make sure it’s the right friend!).
Tell him where he stands Don’t worry about being hypocritical. If a guy suggests that he knows what you did last summer with such-and-such – well, that was with such-and-such and it was last summer. Your history need not precede you, and he’s a loser for suggesting it.
You do need to make sure he knows your boundaries though. There is no point in leaving him guessing. If he seems to be floundering around, trying to try it on, just state, for the sake of a relaxed date, that you are not likely to get your clothes off anytime soon, or similar. While he may be disappointed, he will at least be able to focus on your personality for a while, instead of stressing about how to get you out of that strappy top.
Handsies off! If after all this preparation, he still gets a bit too touchy feely for your liking, it is time to get serious. Your body belongs to you and it is up to you and no one else what you do with it, no matter how old or experienced you may be.
Speak loudly and sternly and make sure he knows you mean business. If you are in a public place, it is okay to embarrass him. If you have told him your boundaries and he has disrespected you, you have every right to be angry.
Self-defence If you feel you need extra defence, in fear of a particularly bad date (and they do happen) it is a great idea to take a class. Date rape is a terrible thing to go through (as is any kind of sexual crime) so it pays to be prepared. For more information on women’s self defence classes, see www.protectselfdefence.co.nz or search for a class near you in your yellow pages or at your local community centre.
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ust say no. It’s drummed into us at a young age – if a boy (or anyone) is doing something we don’t like, then we should make sure we express our distaste. 
First of all you need to be quite sure of your boundaries. This means trusting your own feelings. Before you go out with a guy, consider how much you are ready to do. There is no need to justify these guidelines – it’s about whatever feels right for you. You might decide you want to take things slowly for as long as it takes to truly know him. For some of you it might be marriage. Or you might put a number on it – five dates for instance, before you stay over or even before you kiss. If you choose a number of dates, then refrain from letting him know the number, as some boys will use you up until that time, just to get some action. 
Are you going to feel good about yourself? Will it be weird? Try to be stern with yourself. If necessary, call a friend and get her to talk you out of it (but make sure it’s the right friend!).
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