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Face it, our society is one in which there is very little human contact, at least compared to how life used to be.
We are more likely now to meet and ‘talk’ to our future husbands or wives on a web page than at a barn dance or even a nightclub. It is pretty common to start ‘dating’ before you have even seen a person - and some very successful relationships begin this way.
So, how to go about it? Well, there are a few rules to internet dating, unspoken as they may be. Their importance differs depending on the dater and on the site, but in general the following can be seen as giving some pretty solid guidelines.
Writing your profile
1: Even through the internet, a potential date can see through your web of lies. Don’t bother lying or leaving anything out. This will only cause problems later when you meet and have to explain you are not a double D cup size, and yes, that is your daughter you are carrying. Keep in mind, the aim is to find someone you want to be with. If that’s not the aim, then go ahead – lie away – but be warned the truth will come out.
2: Avoid cheese and sleaze. Selling yourself as ‘all you ever wanted and more’ or ‘baby got back’ is totally uncool. Nobody, except maybe sixty-year-old men, are going to take you seriously.
3: Spell check – and if you can (please!) avoid text language. Text talk was invented because cell phones were cumbersome to write with. Not only is this no longer particularly the case, but you are using a computer with a keyboard. Write it out in full, that way no one has to sit there and decipher it.
Decoding a profile
1: Pay particular attention to ‘dislikes’ – people’s pet hates say a lot about them.
2: Read his comments. Does he flirt? Are his friends sincere with him? Do they mention fun beach weekends at his bach? Keep in mind though that comments can be tongue in cheek.
3: Depending on a person’s age (and this should also be clearly stated), when marital status and kids are left blank it can mean those parts of this person’s life are full and complete – and they don’t need you, even if they feel like they do.
4: Check out the photo carefully. Examine for wedding ring lines and photos of children in the background, fake looking hair and curious wrinkles. These can all be signs he or she is lying on their profile.
Posting a photo
1: Use something current – don’t pick out your old faithful, that ball photo from when you were younger, thinner or had better skin. Refer to 1: under ‘Writing your profile’.
2: Don’t use a photo of you with another guy/ girl. No matter who they are, it will be an immediate turn-off for a potential date, who will assume the other party is your partner. Also, they may be disappointed to learn you are the girl on the right, not the left – she’s your best friend. Not a great start.
3: Take some pride in your appearance, but remember most boys aren’t truly attracted to someone who looks fake and over made-up. Look natural, smile, be yourself... eventually you are going to have to be anyway. Conversely, don’t use a photo that’s blurred or one where your head is cut off from the eyebrows. Digital cameras make these things easy – just take a few shots until you’re happy.
Making cyber contact
1: Don’t use winks and smiles and ‘sending the love’ unless you are going to back it up with some kind of comment or an introduction of who you are. All little smileys say to a person is that you are too chicken to speak to them properly.
2: In your introductory email, make sure you are concise but also display a little of your personality. Mention something from their profile – the reason you were interested in writing to them in the first place. This is a sign that you know how to communicate like a human being. Don’t be so brief that they will be likely to delete your message. If you want them to like you, put some effort into it.
3: People tend to bring up each other’s points then add to them in normal conversation – do this when you are writing further emails. Try to build a relationship.
Before making real-time contact Email back and forth for a good couple of weeks. You can’t know you want to hang out with a person until you have a really good grip on who they are. The internet is a great place to hide. Make sure your potential date isn’t hiding behind his screen. Maybe talk to them on the phone first to get a feeling for their voice. Quiz them if you have to – just explain you want to be careful. There are a lot of weirdos out there. Good luck!
Camille
For more on this subject, pick up Caroline Tiger’s book, ‘How to Behave: Dating and Sex’ from your local book store or library.
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contact, at least compared to how life used to be. 
1: Use something current – don’t pick out your old faithful, that ball photo from when you were younger, thinner or had better skin. Refer to 1: under ‘Writing your profile’. 
