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I feel clueless when it comes to men
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She's worried she will  never find a man she's compatible with. Super Kitty has some advice...
Dear Super Kitty,
You might ask, "Why is a girl my age writing to ask a question like this? Shouldn't she already have all the answers?" Well, I don't. As a matter of fact, the older I get, the more clueless I feel a lot of times. Especially when it comes to trying to understand men.
It all used to seem so simple. I never had a problem with dates, or meeting people of the opposite sex. I would just pick one I liked, and go for it. But now as a thirty-something-year-old woman, it just doesn't seem I'm compatible with anyone! A lot of people tell me I'm just too picky, but I don't agree. I mean, what's wrong with wanting someone that can still comb hair, and see his feet when he looks down toward the ground? Is that being picky? I will admit that I have high standards, but so do most men! Other people tell me that what I'm looking for just doesn't exist.
I want a gorgeous guy (that's gorgeous in my eyes), who is intelligent, can have a decent conversation, is not conceited, or a womanizer, isn't broke, and believes in falling in love! Are they right? Am I asking for too much, even if that's what I'm willing to give?
I also wonder if somehow I give off the wrong signals. People tell me I look like a "good girl". That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I'm not exactly a complete angel either. I often meet NICE guys, but they NEVER have any of the other qualities I am so desperately looking for besides being "nice". Please help!
Disillusioned
Got a question for Super Kitty? Click the button below... And don't forget, if Super Kitty can't read it, she can't answer it so take the time to pay attention to your spelling and grammar!
Dear Disillusioned,
It is refreshing to hear your honesty. It is true that as you get older things become less simple, including men. In fact, especially men. When you are a teenager or in your early 20s, relationships come and go - but nobody takes them quite so seriously, so dating is a more relaxed process.
I say stick to your guns. It is definitely not too much to ask to want a man who isn't lazy, pigheaded or dopey. As for not being broke and believing in falling in love - I wonder if these are the points that are letting you down?
I am imagining you making these assumptions early on, writing off a potential husband as no good, because he doesn't immediately show his ability to love, or because he drives a shoddy car. Be careful about this. If there is one thing I have learnt about guys, it's that the nice ones drive shoddy cars.
In fact, for some men a nice car or a fat wallet pretty much equates to being conceited - or it can at least make them act that way. In short, don't write off the paupers.
And as for the ability to love...Well, guys and girls are different, as you know. Men tend to be less open about love. Ninety-nine percent of them are capable of it (hopefully), but only about nine percent will show this openly until they feel comfortable. If you're anything like me, the ones who seem love-happy at first glance are kind of unsettling and immediately unattractive. You have to give the good ones some time to fall in love, so you have to get to know them.
What you should do is keep to limits when it comes to looks - or at least only date men you are attracted to - but give the rest of their personalities and lifestyles time to show themselves. It may be that your love is a diamond in a rugby shirt.
Also - what's wrong with nice guys? Not many people can say they often meet nice guys. Most of the letters I receive contain desperate pleas to meet such men! Count yourself lucky, and make sure you don't write these guys off too soon.
Good luck!
Love Super Kitty |
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