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He's cheating online
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He's having cyber sex and relationships online and she's ready to pack her bags and leave. Super Kitty sheds some light on the situation...
Dear Super Kitty,
My boyfriend has already cheated, is having cyber sex and is now getting into a close relationship with some young chick online. I've about had it, had packed my bags to leave, when he said he's got a problem and he'd stop, but he just starts again.
Stupid Girl
Got a question for Super Kitty? Click the button below... And don't forget, if Super Kitty can't read it, she can't answer it so take the time to pay attention to your spelling and grammar!
Dear Girl,
First of all, you are not stupid! Self-derogative remarks don't help you to work through difficult times. I feel like I say this every week - but girls, try to stay positive!
So, your boyfriend has cheated. It is not entirely clear, but I am going to assume that the cheating you mention at the beginning of your letter is virtual. Not that this is any less of a problem than doing the dirty in real-life - in fact it can be more. Anyone who has been watching Shortland Street lately will know of Mark's dilemma with this addiction.
The internet is so readily accessible, at any time of the day. Meeting "people" online is far too easy, especially if you are just after some cheap thrills. Gratification is the sole reason for becoming addicted to something like cyber sex. If it were so easy to meet real girls and have sex with them, your boyfriend would probably do this too - as long as there were no consequences. I bet he has been doing this for a while without you finding out, and now that you have, the habit is too far ingrained to stop. And it is far too easy to get away with it most of the time.
I do question his integrity. If he loved you, I don't think he would do this. While it may be an addiction, he should be able to control it for the sake of keeping you in his life.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt and calling this a true and uncontrollable addiction, I would take him to see a counsellor and try to get him to figure out what it is that makes him want to do this. Is it the possibility of meeting real girls and sleeping around?
Is it just because he is very sexually charged? Or is it a self-esteem issue? This last option is my bet. Getting instant gratification without experiencing judgement could easily become addictive if you don't have a high opinion of yourself.
If it is an addiction - a problem - then it is something your boyfriend needs to face. I am not convinced you need to stick around to see him through it. Apart from being demeaning for him, it is soul-destroying for you to see your man return again and again to this safety net that is the web.
Assess your relationship and decide if it's worth it. Think about the happy moments, the great things he does, those special times. If you come up blank - leave him. You have to put yourself first in these situations. But if the good does outweigh the bad, think about the idea of counselling.
Good luck!
Love Super Kitty xxx
For more on this topic, see this past Super Kitty answer here.
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