He cheated with an ex-girlfriend, but she still wants to be friends. Is she letting him off too lightly?

Dear Super Kitty,

My ex cheated on me with an ex-girlfriend when he was on holiday in Oz. We had been going out for less than a month when it happened.

We work in the same office, but have been avoiding each other since I found out and confronted him. I know I am well rid of him as a boyfriend, but do you think we can still be friends or am I being too easy on him?

Ms. S


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Hi Ms. S,

I am pleased that you are not writing to tell me you are still hung up on this cheater - and I'm glad you didn't do anything drastic like quit your job to get away from him! But haven't you been reading your nzgirl bible? Workmates are a no-go area! I bet it's awkward when you pass each other in the hallway.

Anyway, you have been dealing with this well and are ready to move on to the next step - which is forgiveness and/or friendship. Luckily you only went out for a little while. Becoming friends after a break-up is usually near impossible - especially if one of the parties cheated. There is too much anger, bitterness and guilt involved for any real friendship to blossom. Saying this, in your situation, I think it could be possible, simply due to the short time span of your relationship.

A month is not long enough to be serious, but that all depends on the month. Ask yourself - was it an intense month of passionate conversation, opening up to each other about all sorts? Did you feel that you trusted him? Did you discuss his trip over to Australia and did he mention this ex? Were any promises made to be faithful, to return to the relationship?

Whether or not you should bother becoming friends with him depends on these things. If it was all quite casual, which I suspect it was, then sure, if you feel like you want to be friends, give it a go. If he really betrayed you, I wouldn't bother.

I wonder if another element to your letter lurks between the lines... When you become friends with someone you used to date, there is always the possibility of a relapse. Ask yourself truthfully: Is this what you are hoping for? If so, don't become friends with him. You don't want to go back to someone who was unfaithful to you.

All in all, I would do what feels right, but don't force anything if it all seems false. There are plenty more male friends to be had.

Love Super Kitty xxx