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I've lost my sex drive...
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She's lost interest in sex and her boyfriend is not happy!  What can she do to boost her libido?...
Hi Super Kitty,
If you have lost interest in sex and need to work hard at getting some lovin' into your day, does that mean something is wrong with your relationship?
I live with my boyfriend, we have been together for a year and a half. I have read what you have said to other libido lacking girls. He thinks you shouldn't have to work at your sex drive. It should just be there. And seeing mine isn't there I'm obviously not attracted to him.
At his suggestion I lost some weight and I have (in his opinion) a good body now, but he can't touch it because I'm not interested. I think it's because I think and worry too much - my brain is like a little hamster on a wheel. Sex doesn't even come into the equation.
We probably need to spice it up a bit, but for me it would be hard work. It's not that I don't care but it's become another thing he's wanted me to improve - along with improving my body, my hair, my clothes, how tidy I am, the list goes on...
There are other things affecting the situation, but basically, what is wrong with me? And what do I say to him when he says it shouldn't be hard work to improve my sex drive?
Signed,
Tired Hamster
Got a question for Super Kitty? Click the button below... And don't forget, if Super Kitty can't read it, she can't answer it so take the time to pay attention to your spelling and grammar!
Dear Tired Hamster,
There is nothing wrong with you, but there is something wrong with your boyfriend. He is controlling, demanding and manipulative, and he needs to give you a break! No wonder you feel like a little crazed hamster on a treadmill, when there is a whole list of things your
‘lover’ is asking you to improve.
He has no right to demand that you change your clothes, your level of tidiness, or your body. How you dress and how you look is up to you. Have you considered standing up to him?
There are two reasons you are feeling uninterested in sex with him. One is that sex is an outlet for love (at least for girls). I would find it hard to love someone who is so tough on me. The other reason is that your self-esteem is low. I mean, it must be, considering all the nasty things your boyfriend has being saying about your appearance. It sounds like he has it drummed into your head that you are a substandard person, looks-wise. Does he comment on your personality too? He shouldn’t be trying to improve you; he should love you as you are.
Tell him how you feel. Tell him he needs to stop criticising your every move, if he ever wants to get into your pants again. And if he doesn’t stop with the disses - well, I wouldn’t stick around. I know it can seem hard to leave someone who you have been living with, but I don’t think you should take this kind of abuse lying down. It is abuse, too, even if he’s not getting physical.
So in answer to your final question - you should say to him that you find it very hard to have any kind of drive to have sex with someone who doesn’t approve of the way you look. See what he says. I hope he’s shocked into changing his mean ways.
Good luck,
Super Kitty xxx
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