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After a break-up, it can be all too easy to fall into another relationship. Sometimes these rebound pairings seem just as serious, if not more so, than the relationship you have just left.
The problem is - often you are still hung up on your last boyfriend, whether you know it or not.
So what happens when you are on the other side of the equation? You have met this lovely new man who is so sweet and seems really dedicated to you. He tries so hard to please you, calls you daily, cooks you dinner…But something doesn’t feel right…Is it your imagination, or is he still not over the last woman in his life?
Calculations - how long was he with her? You have probably heard people say that it should only take one week for every month you were together to get over an ex. This may be true in some cases, but it depends on the depth of the relationship.
Do you know anything about how things were with his ex? I’m sure it’s not a very nice topic of conversation, but try to gain as much insight as possible, even if it is just through little anecdotes he spills now and again. Basically, if he has come out of a live-in relationship that lasted over two years, he is going to need some time to get over her. It is up to you whether or not you want to stick around through the process.
It can be a hard road, filled with moments of jealousy. He might call you her name by mistake - and feel terrible about it. It is understandable, as he has had her around him for a while. Even when his heart has moved on, his mind might still make some mistakes. Watch for signals that things are getting better. His general mood should be happier. He will stop mentioning her or avoiding driving past her street. It could be worth sticking it out!
“I split from a three year relationship, and basically went straight into the relationship I’m in now. But we have been together for four years - and we’re getting married, so it can work!” Andy, 28.
Actions speak louder than words If it’s been a few months, you have probably asked him whether he is over her (most girls can’t resist these questions). Of course he has probably quite convincingly told you yes, he is. But watch him carefully.
Are there some little notions that he either refuses to partake in, or insists the two of you do? For example, have you suggested a certain restaurant and had a very negative response? Have you tried to put an arm around his waist while sleeping and been shunned? Or does he insist on calling you before he goes to sleep at night, every night? I’m not saying this is necessarily a bad sign, but watch for these moments, as it could be that a lot of things still remind him of her.
At first, avoid these things and give him the space he needs. However, if it starts to get ridiculous, it could be time to leave him to it. For example - if there is a long list of roads he won’t drive down, or picnic spots he avoids, or he won’t use the supermarket up the road, even though it's the closest one he is still very much hung up and needs to move on, alone.
“I didn’t realise how hung up on her he was. I thought it was awesome that he would want to see me so often - but then he wouldn’t seem happy when we were together. I realised he was really using me as a replacement for her in his life.” Jacinta, 24.
Helping him The best thing you can do, if you want to hold on to a guy who is still a little hung up on his last partner, is to give him space - even if he says he doesn’t want it.
Make your relationship feel as casual as you can. Don’t call him every day, even if you would like to. Make him want to see you - not her. Suggest you two go on different dates and do different activities to those he and his ex would often do. Make a new history, new traditions, new memories.
“I knew he was hung up on her, but I just kept things quiet. We were dating, but we weren’t serious. I didn’t put anything on hold for him. He had to start pining for me and waiting for me to like him, instead of me hoping he would come out of it. I didn’t want to be all desperate, like you can be when you’re with someone who is not that into it. It was hard to maintain, cos I really liked him!” Tegan, 26.
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Sometimes these rebound pairings seem just as serious, if not more so, than the relationship you have just left. 
whether he is over her (most girls can’t resist these questions). Of course he has probably quite convincingly told you yes, he is. But watch him carefully. 
Helping him