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About You
Am I Ready to Get Engaged?

The moment has arrived. He finally got down on that bended knee (figuratively or not) and asked you to marry him - and you said yes!

Or perhaps you are still considering your answer, much to the poor boy’s dismay! You could even be weighing up popping the question in his direction!


But - wait - are you ready? Marriage is a massive step and something that a lot of us girls take too lightly. Aside from the romance and fun involved in planning and having a wedding, there is also that unavoidable element of foreverness that is the reality of marriage. You are pledging to spend the rest of your life with this one person.

To figure out whether or not he is really the one, you might
need to take a trip into the future. Get comfortable, because its time for some creative visualisation…Afterwards check out the answers below and see what some nzgirls have to say about being ready for marriage.

1. Meditate on this. It’s your wedding day. It’s your ONLY wedding day. You have your dress, you have your cake; everything is sorted. Now, you are walking down the aisle, or through the garden, or along the beach, towards your soon-to-be husband. See him turn to look at you…What do you feel and what do you see?

2. Let’s take it slow and skip to the day after. The excitement is over, the photographs have been taken, people have cooed over your dress and you have danced the night away. This is the beginning of the rest of your life - and you are heading off on your honeymoon…How is your mood? How are you acting at the airport? On the plane? What is he doing?

3. Now, the whole wedding thing really is over and you are back from your honeymoon. It’s time to join the masses on the motorway and head back to the daily grind. How do you feel about getting home after work and seeing your man - for the rest of your life?

4. One year later. The honeymoon period is probably over - in the metaphorical sense. So you guys are getting on with living. What are you doing? Where are you going with your life? Are there children? Are there plans?

5. Now what about five years later? By this point you will be a little older, the wedding just a memory. You are well and truly a married couple. Do you still wear your ring? Do you still look forward to seeing him each day? Do you still laugh and have fun?

Now to results. The absence of any of these feelings will obviously be a good thing!

1. Are there any twinges of doubt? I don’t mean cold feet; I mean any niggling feelings that you might otherwise ignore on an everyday basis, as you imagine your fiancé on the big day? If you are making a bad choice, deep down you will know it now. If you can see yourself freaking out - properly - on your wedding day, rethink it now while there is still time.

2. Do you suddenly feel…alone? With your friends and family back home, does the prospect of going away on this supposedly romantic holiday make you feel a little queasy? Do you talk on the plane? If you imagine silence and a strange feeling - like being lost - when you are alone with him, it could be that you are rushing into it. Take a step back and reanalyse your decision.

3. Work sucks and then you die? When you get home,
how is the general mood? If you can’t imagine facing him after a day at work - or you imagine that you two won’t gel when you are stressed out - it could be that you need to try living together before you tie the knot.

4. Is there a sense of nothing to look forward to? The excitement of your lives together should keep you going in the years to come. Each stage of your life can be filled with new and interesting occasions, like births, first house purchases and overseas trips. You should still be making plans and working towards dates to look forward to together.
If there is none of this when you visualise the two of you, it
could be that the time isn’t ripe for a wedding.

5. No plans? Looking from your standpoint as an engaged woman to your future five years down the track should fill you with excitement and hopes and dreams. If you two haven’t thought this far into the future, it’s time to do it now - to make sure you have the same ideas.

So when's the right time to get married according to nzgirls?

“I think that if you have to stop and think you’re not ready.” Leanne, 29.

“It’s normal to be a bit freaked out when you get engaged, but only you will know if this is just you being silly or if you are really doing the wrong thing.” Jo, 24.

“For me I would do it because of my religion, but for a lot of people, they have to make their own minds up about what is right.” Jardin, 29.

“I wouldn’t be afraid to ask him a few questions before I said yes - or even if I had already said yes. You need to make sure you are doing the right thing and that he is really going to be good to you for the rest of your life.” Sera, 31.

“You've got to look at the big picture - like what are you going to be doing when you’re 40, 50 and older. You have to be realistic, but I also believe you should keep a bit of romance - so keep a bit of chance and go with your gut.” Tina, 24.

Camille Butler
 

Last updated: 30/04/2008


 
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