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Starting Fresh for the New Year
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It’s been a big year at our house. We moved - twice! We  started new jobs and my cat came back into our lives after a stint staying with a friend...
There were a fair few road trips and we got engaged! All in all, I would say it’s been a good one but it doesn’t always turn out this way.
In the past we have had stagnant years, frustrating in that nothing really goes our way. Flatmates cause problems, as can friends as they go through break-ups - or even try to break you up! Finances can cause tension and so can family issues. It can feel as if everything is against you.
 A new year is a clean slate
If it’s been a hard one - or even if it hasn’t - use the New Year as not only a holiday time and a party opportunity, but also as a chance to clear out the relationship section of your emotional closet.
Get rid of past tensions, debts and worries by resolving them as best as possible with your partner. Don’t bring up old arguments, but discuss what it was that caused these tensions and how you can avoid them in the future. Only by resolving them can you truly leave them behind.
It might help to write down the things that went wrong and how you can deal with them. When you have figured it all out, burn the piece of paper while making a toast to the future! In Japanese culture, the New Year is celebrated in a similar way, with ‘year forgetting’ parties, in which old worries are left in the past and the New Year is viewed as a fresh start.
Acknowledge the past in a positive sense
Aside from assessing what went wrong in order to avoid it
 in the future, you should also look at what you did right.
Think about what you achieved independently and together. Assess your progress this past year. Did you get a pay rise? Maybe you moved in together, or helped a family member through something difficult. Whatever it is - now is the time to acknowledge it.
It’s nice to celebrate your achievements on New Year’s Eve, when it is possible to lose each other in the party. Grab a moment together where you can talk about what you have done and congratulate each other on a year’s good
work and happiness.
 Make plans or goals together
In January sit down and make some plans, then share these with your partner. Just as a problem shared is a problem halved, a plan shared is more likely to be followed through. If you tell your partner you are going to quit smoking, for example, then that goal is out in the open, so there is someone to let down if you don’t achieve it and a support net if things get tough. Make goals for the both of you too. These can be material goals, like savings plans or emotional promises, like pledging to argue less and be more considerate.
Listen to his goals too and together assess how you will achieve them. Then throughout the year you can check how you are going with these goals and celebrate when one is achieved. Imagine how great you will feel if you have both achieved all your goals at the end of 2008!
Happy New Year!
Camille Butler |
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