How to Keep Your Independence

So how do you find the right balance between Siamese twin status and can’t-remember-what-he-looks-like, long-distance loving? Well, it’s not a tightrope, it just involves a bit of change.

 

The problem with being in a relationship is that you can tend to hold each other back from those things you truly desire from life. It’s not intentional; it’s just that you really, really like each other’s company, so sometimes it’s hard to find time for those things that need to be done alone.

Step back into your single years and think about what you used to do and what you used to dream about. If you’re achieving those goals now, then well done! If not, maybe it’s time you gave your DVD rental account a break and got
back into those hobbies you used to adore.

 

He may look put out when you first suggest it, but spending some time alone is good for you. It can be hard to realise what your true feelings are about life when you are constantly bouncing them off another person – and deep thinking happens when we are uninterrupted. Have you ever taken a long walk and suddenly had a brainwave? Problem solved!

Whether it’s getting your hair done, going out for a quiet coffee, or reading your book in the park, don’t be afraid to tell him you just need to be alone for a bit. After a while you will probably find yourself missing him a little anyway, so you can come home and reassure him of your love, refreshed. And in the meantime, he might take the opportunity to do something for himself too.

 

Cruising the town by yourself is a different story. Aside from the sacred girls' night, heading out boozing without him
is, well, a bit rude. If you are truly dedicated to this guy, you will want to spare him the worry and jealousy of thinking of you out there being chatted up by randoms.

 

Being in a relationship means showing respect for each other – and you don’t show it by refusing to let him come out with you and devoting your night to the attention of others.
With love comes the desire to hang out together, so if you can’t sacrifice your lone bar-hopping days, you might want to reconsider your relationship.

 

Independence can mean having friends that he doesn’t share – or it could be that you and your girlfriends just don’t interact the same when he’s around. This is okay! Next time your friends invite you over, ask them if they would rather you came by yourself. Gauge the reaction; if they hesitate before saying no, they mean yes.

If they murmur something along the lines of ‘it would be nice to see you’, it could mean they have been hoping you would suggest it for a while.

Again, don’t worry if he seems put out. He’ll get over it! And it’s good for you both to keep your friends. It’ll help in the future – such as when he’s working and you’re eight months pregnant, frustrated and bored! Make sure you’re there for your friends and they will return the favour.